Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Time for a Little Bit of Reminiscing (Happy, Funny Times)

Let's face it friends.  There isn't a whole lot to laugh about right now.  I don't think that there is anyone at all that cares whether or not Alec Baldwin will be available to portray the Fascista on SNL.  It's not all about the bottom line for established comedy TV shows.  Maybe that is the last thing that matters.  But I remain unconvinced.


So, in an effort to reclaim past funny ha-has, written when there really was something to laugh about, I offer to my readers two classic posts, or more accurately a post on the Dog Report and the gist of one comment offered on the venerable Swash Zone.


Two song parodies.  Maybe I could have put together a couple of song videos on YouTube.  Piano, guitar and vocals?  But instead, I call upon your imaginations.  Herewith, "Mama Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Liberals," and "The Ballad of Butt Chimney."


Mama Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Liberals


Mama don't let your babies grow up to be lib’ruls
Don't let 'em vote commie and drive ‘lectric cars
Make 'em cut taxes for plumbers and such;
Mama don't let your babies grow up to be lib’ruls
They'll never cut taxes, no matter the facts is
Even when times are tough.

Lib’ruls ain't easy to love and they're hard to understand
And they're always talkin’ ‘bout givin’ poor folks a hand;
Greenpeace bumper stickers and “Save the Whales” T-shirts
Each day they fight for the cause;
And if you can’t rig the Diebolds and close the polls early
They’ll probably let black people vote.

Mama don't let your babies grow up to be lib’ruls
Don't let 'em tax windfall profits for oil
Alternative energy totally sucks;
Mama don't let your babies grow up to be lib’ruls
They'll never drill offshore and dig up the ANWR
Even for the oil we love.

Lib’ruls like socialized medicine and clean air and water
Health care for seniors and children and illegal aliens;
And we that know better fight funding for college
The free market always works best!
They ain't just wrong, they's different from decent Murkins like us.




The Ballad of Butt Chimney
 
Everybody remembers Donovan's Mellow Yellow, right?

I'm a Massachusetts liberal;
Liberal republican I!
I'm a hard-core conservative;
got to live free or die!

They call me Butt Chimney!
(Smoke comes out my ass)

If I'm elected you'll get a good job;
If he is re-elected you won't!
Economies have to recover;
But if you elect Obama they don't!

They call me Butt Chimney!
(Smoke comes out my ass)
They call me Butt Chimney!
I will never apologize for America!
They call me Butt Chimney!
If elected I will repeal Obamacare!
They call me Butt Chimney!
Romneycare is a good thing!
They call me Butt Chimney!
I saw my father march with Martin Luther King!
They call me Butt Chimney!
I've been a hunter pretty much all my life;
They call me Butt Chimney!
I'm happy to learn that after I speak you're going to hear from Ann Coulter!
They call me Butt Chimney!
I like being able to fire people who provide services to me!
They call me Butt Chimney!
I'll tell you what, ten-thousand bucks? $10,000 bet?
They call me Butt Chimney!
I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed!
They call me Butt Chimney!
I'm not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there;
They call me Butt Chimney!
PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air!
They call me Butt Chimney!
There were a couple of times I wondered whether I was going to get a pink slip;
They call me Butt Chimney!
So this morning I had a little bowl of Corn Flakes;
They call me Butt Chimney!
I put a little honey on 'em. Think I got a little sugar buzz going!
They call me Butt Chimney!
You know, I LOVE cars!
They call me Butt Chimney!
There was a time, forty or fifty years ago..
They call me Butt Chimney!
(Smoke comes out my ass!)

repeat/fade

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Even if It's not Indian Summer in Your Location This Should Bring You Cheer

Julian Assange is without his beloved internet access and there is no one that he can call. The government of Ecuador has decided to suspend his privileges. Ha ha! What a hoot. I stumbled across this using my own cable modem and later traced the original article to Monday's edition of Wonkette. Our poor and very dear little baby-faced boy must be so upset. Not much to do all shut up inside in London as he has found himself. The government of Ecuador remains committed to protecting him from political persecution. However, it would seem that they are, at least temporarily, seeking to prevent him from doing any further harm on the behalf of Putin and his puppet, Trump.

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Happy Birthday Hillary!

Forgive me, readers, for violating my hiatus. I just became aware that Wednesday, October 26th, 2016 is Hillary's sixty-ninth birthday! Yahoo! This feels really good right now. Let's all give her a super-nice birthday present. How about sending Trump back into the arms of his mistress after suffering the most humiliating defeat of his entire life? God bless you, Hillary. You have fought the good fight for so many decades. The world has never needed you as much as it does today. May you reign in truth and beauty. And may you usher in a new era of love and cooperation such as we have never seen before between all political parties in the U.S.A.

Thursday, October 06, 2016

Thoughts on the Election

If anyone out there is not planning to vote for Hillary, basically it's like a half-vote for Trump, no matter what state you vote in. Numbers count. Personally, I would like this to be a shellacking such as our country has never seen before.

We want to plaster this guy so that he cries all the way home like a little baby that just got his ass kicked by a big bully. Like a spoiled brat who just dropped his ice cream cone into the sand. We want to show the world that a sick fuck like Trump has no place in American politics. Anybody that hates women as much as Trump should be universally shunned by all media. And most of all, we want Hillary to kick his sorry butt. So it comes from a girl. We're talking a virtual shut-out. We need to be united in rejecting all forms of misogyny and sexism. A monster like Trump must be soundly destroyed by the vote.

If anyone out there has some male chauvinist pig buddy that you know is going to vote for Trump, unless he's your boss, or otherwise holds the keys to destroy your life, you need to shame that disgusting pig into voting for HRC or at least staying home. If it is a woman, all the more shame for betraying her gender in supporting the likes of Trump.

And any media figure who softballs Trump and acts like he is an honorable man just to go along to get along... Well, just fucking quit it, starting now. He's not that cute. His latest verbal bowel movement is not front page news.

As Americans, we also reject all form of racism, xenophobia and hatred. Did I mention that his ideas, or lack thereof would be dangerous in the leader of the free world?

Monday, September 26, 2016

Meltdown!

Great fun watching Donald sniffle and yell his way through his ticket back to private life. The faces are priceless. Can't wait for the compilation video. Now that the first half hour is over, he seems to be comfortable talking about himself. Basically, he can barely shut up long enough for anyone else to get a word in edgewise. He can hardly stand to hear the moderator say a single word. "Excuse me!," he bellows. He steps over just about every word that Hillary says. She bravely keeps talking while he is losing his mind on the national debate stage. I would suggest that he medicate before the next debate. Perhaps one blue valium and one to two percosets every twenty minutes thereafter. Hillary is a paragon of self-control. Her face shines with her more than ample sense of humor. Meanwhile she makes more sense than any other candidate in this race has made for two years.

Tuesday, August 09, 2016

Aretha Recorded this One in 1969

Tracks of My Tears - Linda Ronstadt - 1975 from Chris on Vimeo.


I'm sure that Linda Ronstadt was familiar with Aretha's version of this bittersweet love song by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles. The similarities between the two interpretations explain some of the inspiration behind Linda's 1975 recording that I have decided to share with you here. This has always been just about my favorite Linda Ronstadt song. It is the reason that she is my favorite vocalist from the time. I don't sob uncontrollably when I listen to this one the way I do with some of her other songs, but I usually get a just a little bit wet around the corneas.

Friday, April 15, 2016

El Hermano Obama

Forgive my tardiness. Perhaps it is not too late to bring up this important chapter in the shared history of the Americas. Now that our common evolution regarding the CoId War, the epic struggle between our two world views and the disparate economic theories that have held court and battle in the punishing and unforgiving light of economic prosperity, can finally be written, I hope that this news is still fresh in your minds. Initially, I was very excited and motivated. However, I soon bogged down in my own inadequate skills at translation. I have no excuse as to why I said nothing even after I had found the English language translation only a day or two later. Interested in the letter that the eighty-nine year-old Castro had addressed to our president, of course the first thing that I did was to googol a Spanish language, complete text of the letter. This was easy enough to find and took me to the website of the official news organ of the Cuban government, as some of you will remember, appropriately named Granma. This kept me busy for several days as I tested my skills at Spanish syntax and wording. Although my language skills were not lacking, even with the help of on-line translators, I was unable to arrive at the true meaning of Castro’s words. Happily, upon returning to the newly discovered website, I noticed that the article was available in five languages. This is what I learned in my attempts to translate it independently from Castro’s words originally written in Spanish: I think that it was easy enough to understand the first sentence. We do not need the empire to give us anything. Where I first ran into trouble was the second sentence. Nuestros esfuerzos serán legales y pacíficos, porque es nuestro compromiso con la paz y la fraternidad de todos los seres humanos que vivimos en este planeta. I understood Castro’s commitment to world peace and accord with the brotherhood of human beings. But I misunderstood the word, esfuerzos, which simply means efforts. When Castro began talking about how the Spaniards, unable to quickly find gold, shamefully destroyed many of the river valleys in a frantic and vain search for the precious metal, I was already in over my head. I did understand the word, bochornosa as shameful or reproachful, and understood that he was talking about the lust for gold that caused the Spaniards to destroy the native habitat. I was unable to come up with a logical syntax for my own translation. What I found out along the way was of some significance. The expression Hatos Circulares eventually brought me to a history of the colonization of Cuba in the Spanish language. While there were land grants given by the crown to Spanish families, these grant were large and were later subdivided. I learned two new words in Spanish, Repartir and Compartir. Repartir means to distribute or divide. Compartir means to share with another person. The large land grants in Cuba were sub-divided and apportioned to the privileged few. The Hatos Circulares refer to circular divisions of land that were exploited for the discovery of gold. The original meaning of Hato is simply a herd of animals, something that might be constrained or limited to a locality or a corral. Thus, the circular corrals that were divided between the landed Spaniards were stripped of their ecosystems in the vain attempt of Spain to reproduce the obscene wealth that they had procured from the Mexican, Central American and South American lands. The search for gold in Cuba proved fruitless. Eventually the island became a plantation economy populated with slave labor. What is significant about the communication between Castro and Obama is that Fidel Castro accuses Obama of only being concerned about the development of events subsequent to the colonization of the Americas; as if the history of the indigenous people were of no import. This is a valid criticism, although low-hanging fruit. I wonder if Obama privately felt any honor by being so named by Castro as a brother. Of course, this is neither flattery nor a compliment to be publicly acknowledged by our president. Castro has harsh judgment for Obama’s “honeyed” words as to leaving behind the past fifty years of the Cold War and looking forward, together to a bright future. Castro mocks Obama. Yet he values him as he never has any president in the past. He takes note of Obama’s natural intelligence. He confesses that he has hoped for wisdom from our president. He has sent a message to every American of intelligence. For me it is entirely refreshing to hear from someone outside of the system of corporate governance. Let me leave you with the two links: The complete text in Spanish and the complete text in English. Please do take the time to read it. This will never happen again in our lifetimes or any other time in the future. http://www.granma.cu/reflexiones-fidel/2016-03-28/el-hermano-obama-28-03-2016-01-03-16 http://en.granma.cu/cuba/2016-03-28/brother-obama Thank you Brothers and Sisters. FJ