My mentor and blogging inspiration, Southern Beale, has authored a post about historic problems between HRC and the Vlad. I could simply link to her article, because, without any doubt, she is a far better journalist, than I could ever even hope to be. And I should probably be attributing to her the genius that is her own.
But instead, I hope to gain some recognition for my established skills as a blog commenter.
Herewith, what I said to my friend, Southern Beale:
Let's face it friends. There isn't a whole lot to laugh about right now. I don't think that there is anyone at all that cares whether or not Alec Baldwin will be available to portray the Fascista on SNL. It's not all about the bottom line for established comedy TV shows. Maybe that is the last thing that matters. But I remain unconvinced.
So, in an effort to reclaim past funny ha-has, written when there really was something to laugh about, I offer to my readers two classic posts, or more accurately a post on the Dog Report and the gist of one comment offered on the venerable Swash Zone.
Two song parodies. Maybe I could have put together a couple of song videos on YouTube. Piano, guitar and vocals? But instead, I call upon your imaginations. Herewith, "Mama Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Liberals," and "The Ballad of Butt Chimney."
Mama Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be Liberals
Mama don't let your babies grow up to be lib’ruls Don't let 'em vote commie and drive ‘lectric cars Make 'em cut taxes for plumbers and such; Mama don't let your babies grow up to be lib’ruls They'll never cut taxes, no matter the facts is Even when times are tough.
Lib’ruls ain't easy to love and they're hard to understand And they're always talkin’ ‘bout givin’ poor folks a hand; Greenpeace bumper stickers and “Save the Whales” T-shirts Each day they fight for the cause; And if you can’t rig the Diebolds and close the polls early They’ll probably let black people vote.
Mama don't let your babies grow up to be lib’ruls Don't let 'em tax windfall profits for oil Alternative energy totally sucks; Mama don't let your babies grow up to be lib’ruls They'll never drill offshore and dig up the ANWR Even for the oil we love.
Lib’ruls like socialized medicine and clean air and water Health care for seniors and children and illegal aliens; And we that know better fight funding for college The free market always works best! They ain't just wrong, they's different from decent Murkins like us.
The Ballad of Butt Chimney Everybody remembers Donovan's Mellow Yellow, right?
I'm a Massachusetts liberal; Liberal republican I! I'm a hard-core conservative; got to live free or die!
They call me Butt Chimney! (Smoke comes out my ass)
If I'm elected you'll get a good job; If he is re-elected you won't! Economies have to recover; But if you elect Obama they don't!
They call me Butt Chimney! (Smoke comes out my ass) They call me Butt Chimney! I will never apologize for America! They call me Butt Chimney! If elected I will repeal Obamacare! They call me Butt Chimney! Romneycare is a good thing! They call me Butt Chimney! I saw my father march with Martin Luther King! They call me Butt Chimney! I've been a hunter pretty much all my life; They call me Butt Chimney! I'm happy to learn that after I speak you're going to hear from Ann Coulter! They call me Butt Chimney! I like being able to fire people who provide services to me! They call me Butt Chimney! I'll tell you what, ten-thousand bucks? $10,000 bet? They call me Butt Chimney! I should tell my story. I'm also unemployed! They call me Butt Chimney! I'm not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there; They call me Butt Chimney! PETA is not happy that my dog likes fresh air! They call me Butt Chimney! There were a couple of times I wondered whether I was going to get a pink slip; They call me Butt Chimney! So this morning I had a little bowl of Corn Flakes; They call me Butt Chimney! I put a little honey on 'em. Think I got a little sugar buzz going! They call me Butt Chimney! You know, I LOVE cars! They call me Butt Chimney! There was a time, forty or fifty years ago.. They call me Butt Chimney! (Smoke comes out my ass!) repeat/fade
Julian Assange is without his beloved internet access and there is no one that he can call. The government of Ecuador has decided to suspend his privileges. Ha ha! What a hoot.
I stumbled across this using my own cable modem and later traced the original article to Monday's edition of Wonkette.
Our poor and very dear little baby-faced boy must be so upset. Not much to do all shut up inside in London as he has found himself. The government of Ecuador remains committed to protecting him from political persecution. However, it would seem that they are, at least temporarily, seeking to prevent him from doing any further harm on the behalf of Putin and his puppet, Trump.
Forgive me, readers, for violating my hiatus. I just became aware that Wednesday, October 26th, 2016 is Hillary's sixty-ninth birthday! Yahoo! This feels really good right now. Let's all give her a super-nice birthday present. How about sending Trump back into the arms of his mistress after suffering the most humiliating defeat of his entire life?
God bless you, Hillary. You have fought the good fight for so many decades. The world has never needed you as much as it does today. May you reign in truth and beauty. And may you usher in a new era of love and cooperation such as we have never seen before between all political parties in the U.S.A.
If anyone out there is not planning to vote for Hillary, basically it's like a half-vote for Trump, no matter what state you vote in. Numbers count. Personally, I would like this to be a shellacking such as our country has never seen before.
We want to plaster this guy so that he cries all the way home like a little baby that just got his ass kicked by a big bully. Like a spoiled brat who just dropped his ice cream cone into the sand. We want to show the world that a sick fuck like Trump has no place in American politics. Anybody that hates women as much as Trump should be universally shunned by all media. And most of all, we want Hillary to kick his sorry butt. So it comes from a girl. We're talking a virtual shut-out. We need to be united in rejecting all forms of misogyny and sexism. A monster like Trump must be soundly destroyed by the vote.
If anyone out there has some male chauvinist pig buddy that you know is going to vote for Trump, unless he's your boss, or otherwise holds the keys to destroy your life, you need to shame that disgusting pig into voting for HRC or at least staying home. If it is a woman, all the more shame for betraying her gender in supporting the likes of Trump.
And any media figure who softballs Trump and acts like he is an honorable man just to go along to get along... Well, just fucking quit it, starting now. He's not that cute. His latest verbal bowel movement is not front page news.
As Americans, we also reject all form of racism, xenophobia and hatred. Did I mention that his ideas, or lack thereof would be dangerous in the leader of the free world?
Great fun watching Donald sniffle and yell his way through his ticket back to private life. The faces are priceless. Can't wait for the compilation video. Now that the first half hour is over, he seems to be comfortable talking about himself.
Basically, he can barely shut up long enough for anyone else to get a word in edgewise. He can hardly stand to hear the moderator say a single word. "Excuse me!," he bellows. He steps over just about every word that Hillary says. She bravely keeps talking while he is losing his mind on the national debate stage.
I would suggest that he medicate before the next debate. Perhaps one blue valium and one to two percosets every twenty minutes thereafter.
Hillary is a paragon of self-control. Her face shines with her more than ample sense of humor. Meanwhile she makes more sense than any other candidate in this race has made for two years.
I'm sure that Linda Ronstadt was familiar with Aretha's version of this bittersweet love song by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles. The similarities between the two interpretations explain some of the inspiration behind Linda's 1975 recording that I have decided to share with you here.
This has always been just about my favorite Linda Ronstadt song. It is the reason that she is my favorite vocalist from the time. I don't sob uncontrollably when I listen to this one the way I do with some of her other songs, but I usually get a just a little bit wet around the corneas.